In my last entry, I wrote in a positive perspective about my God-given intense emotions.  lol.  This time, I'm writing about the negative.

So.. I woke up this morning feeling semi-lazy (what else is new? lol).  A friend had asked to study and I was caught in my own personal dilemma - I knew I had to study but I didn't want to get ready. 

Talk about MAJOR "bum-age". lol

So that takes me back to how I was spending my summer.  After classes ended, I had decided to discipline myself and take the time to indulge myself in productive studying.  LOL.  It wasn't bad for a while and I was able to get stuff done satisfactorily.. but after some time, I lost the urgency.  oof.

But surprisingly, this morning after some thought about studying, that urgency came back.  I was getting ready ever so slowly (lol) in my sluggish state while contemplating about studying and what it entails.. the future, etc. when I finally decided to go out and take action.  More or less.. you can say I was kind of anxious to get going. lol

Unfortunately, circumstances confined me to my house.  My mom had gone out, leaving one car but no house keys.  I assumed that I could still go because there was one car.. but I had no way to lock the doors.  Also.. I didn't want to interrupt my mom's outing by telling her to come home.  lol.  She would come home soon, but i'd have to pick up my sister in less than two hours, deeming it meaningless to go out to study for a short amount of time.

In this case.. normal people would accept the circumstance and stay home to bum...  But I was strangely affected with emotions.  (Idiot, Healee lol)

I wasn't upset at a particular person.. but I guess I was upset that I didn't get my way?

Sounds very immature.. but that was pretty much the reason.. and I was left to wonder.. what the freak is wrong with me. LOL

All joking aside, I was seriously confused as to why I was upset.  I knew that no person was in fault of the situation and that it wasn't something that I should be upset about.. but.. I just was. lol  Fortunately, I was able to realize that and focused on gathering my emotions together.  I was just having my own emotional "me" moment... deep breaths, healee. whew.

I don't know why I decided to write about this... I think it was for my own gratification so that I can understand a little bit more of complex Healee.  x)

'But there is yet another reason: no one knows quite what to make of the first two chapters.  Even biblical scholars tend to view the prologue with embarrassment, or discount it as the addition of a later editor.  The prologue shows God and Satan involved in - and you can almost see blush marks on the commentary pages - something resembling a wager.  All Job's trauma traces back to, well, a kind of bet, placed by the two cosmic powers.

The trouble starts with Satan's claim that Job is a spoiled favorite, loyal only because God has "put a hedge around him."  Satan scoffs that God, unworthy of love in himself, only attracts people like Job because they're "bribed" to follow him.  If times ever get tough, Satan charges, such people will quickly abandon God.  When God accepts the challenge to test Satan's theory, thus consenting to let Job's response settle the issue, the calamities begin to rain down on poor, unsuspecting Job.

I would certainly not deny the strangeness of this heavenly contest.  On the other hand, I cannot sidestep the account of The Wager in Job, for it offers a rare peek through the keyhole of eternity.  When people experience pain, questions spill out - the very questions that tormented Job.  Why me?  What's going on?  Does God care?  Is there a God?  This one time, in the raw recounting of Job's travail, we the onlookers - not Job - are granted a view behind the curtain.  What we long for, the prologue to Job provides: a glimpse into how the world is run.  As nowhere else in the Bible, the Book of Job shows us God's point of view, including the supernatural activity normally hidden from us.

Job has put God on trial, accusing him of unfair acts against an innocent party.  Angry, satirical, betrayed, Job wanders as close to blasphemy as he can get - just to the edge.  His words have a startingly familiar ring because they are so modern.  He gives voice to our most deeply felt complaints against God.  But chapters 1 and 2 prove that, regardless of what Job thinks, God is not on trial in this book.  Job is on trial.  The point of the book is not suffering: Where is God when it hurts?  The prologue dealt with that issue.  The point is faith: Where is Job when it hurts?  How is he responding?'

To believe in the supernatural is not simply to believe that after living a successful, material, and fairly virtuous life here one will continue to exist in the best-possible substitue for this world, or that after living a starved and stunted life here one will be compensated with all the good things one has gone without: it is to believe that the supernatural is the greatest reality here and now.                     -T.S. Eliot